Fair Warning! – Boys, Look away! We are talking about lady problems in this post!
Dear readers, I really really hope that you aren’t like me in the uterus department. When it comes to ‘that time of the month’ my cramps are often so bad that I am literally bent over the toilet vomiting from a bout of abdominal pain so severe that I want nothing more than to scoop my uterus out with a dull shovel.
I’ve tried plenty of remedies in the past: cutting back on coffee before and during my periods; drinking raspberry leaf tea; I even waged war against the use of tampons and went lady diaper only for well over a year. For the longest time my best hope in the fight against my own personal monthly hell was to hope that I would feel the first wave of cramps coming early enough to swallow 3-5 ibuprofen and pray that some of the pills would manage to get far enough through my system that when I did eventually begin to vomit, they would be digested enough to give me a minimal level of comfort.
I’m not sure where I originally heard about carrot juice as a cramp remedy, but this past month I was breezing through the organic isle of my local Publix and my eyes fell on a large glass container of the orange stuff. My period wasn’t due for another week, but I figured it was worth a shot. If worse came to worse I would only be out roughly $5. So I tossed the jar into my cart and went about my shopping.
Flash forward a week and some change, and I feel the first wave of cramps roll over me like the four horsemen of the uterus apocalypse. In the midst of groaning and shoving my usual 4 ibuprofen into my mouth and fishing my hot/cold pack out of the refrigerator, my eyes landed on the large container of pureed vegetable matter that had been sitting on the bottom shelf for the past week. I went ahead and grabbed the jar and tried to remember exactly what I had read about the remedy as I attempted to open the vacuum sealed lid: ‘Was there a certain amount of this stuff that I have to drink? Is this some kind of Wiccan cramp cure? Do I take it with Vodka?’
I dumped the contents into a glass and eyed the colorful orange and lighter orange swirls with suspicion. It did not look tasty. It looked like a leftover cup from a 5 year old’s art class where the painting subject had been a giant… well, carrot. I slowly lifted the glass and took a sip. UGH! It smelled like where seawater went to die.
‘This crap must be the healthiest drink in the world.’ I thought to myself. ‘Isn’t that how these things work? The nastier they are the more healthy they are, and the tastier they are the worse they are for you?’
I did eventually drink the godawful liquid, and while I will say that it tasted absolutely horrid (and was immediately followed by what my loving boyfriend has dubbed ‘the icky dance’). I wish I could say that the juice did not work, unfortunately it actually worked wonders. I have had absolutely no cramps since I started drinking it earlier this week.
This does; however, mean that it is the only sure-fire way for me to keep from having cramps so bad I vomit in the future.
I really don’t know which is the worse alternative.
Long Story Short: Carrot Juice is my magical cramp cure; however, it tastes like death. FML.